Saturday, January 29, 2005
heh.. hahaha.. finally.. i told him that i like him.. i nv did anything so bold before.. can you believe it..?once bentoh told mi before dun DUN like him..cos the more you deny yourself.. the more you think.. actually i did tried to forget about it.. and i once tot that i succeed in forgetting... but i found that its only studies n friend who distracted mi..when everything quieten down.. i found myself thinkiing all over again.. hehz.. actually wanted to confess very long time ago.. but!!! no courage siaz.. hum ji.. but yesterday really felt strong lo.. so yah..
to the guy i like..: hey.. i noe it sounds gay.. hahaha.. but i like you.. hehz.. fancy having your "sis" liking you rite? abit weird.. but i also dunoe how come lah.. anywae.. this kinda love thingy cannot be controlled.. but its like quite irony loh.. cos of how things turned out..like during the early months of last year.. and how things developed.. hahaha.. i dunoe if you are reading this lah.. but just wanna say..well.. you know mi quite well.. and you know that i wun do this kinda thing...i used to hide all my feeling from people whom i like..and regret ever not telling them that.. now i am going to tell the man i like that.. i like you...
i am not going be like others.. telling you that.. hey.. i will wait for you forever..or i love you forever... for i know there seldom is a forever.. and most of the times.. i like other guys durign the initial period when i not still not very close to them.. dun have.. be friend le.. then like...but u are one special dude.. hahaha...
hope ya dun avoid.. and still treat mi as like before..or jus treat mi like a friend who liek you.. hahaha! miss ya...
五月天
倔强
当我和世界不一样
那就让我不一样
坚持对我来说就是以刚克刚
我如果对自己不行
如果对自己说谎
即使你不原谅
我也不能原谅
最美的愿望
一定最疯狂
我就是我自己的神
在我活的地方
我和我最后的倔强
握紧双手绝对不放
下一站是不是天堂
就算失望不能绝望
我和我骄傲的倔强
我在风中大声的唱
这一次为自己疯狂
就这一次我和我的倔强
对爱我的人别紧张
我的固执很善良
我的手越肮脏
眼神越是发光
你不在乎我的过往
看到了我的翅膀
你说被火烧过
才能出现凤凰
逆风的方向更适合飞翔
我不怕千万人阻挡
只怕自己投降
我和我最后的倔强
握紧双手绝对不放
下一站是不是天堂
就算失望不能绝望
我和我骄傲的倔强
我在风中大声的唱
这一次为自己疯狂
就这一次我和我的倔强
就这一次让我大声唱
lalalala...就算失望不能绝望...
lalalalala...就这一次我和我的倔强
Reality Sucks Big Time
6:21 PM
Monday, January 24, 2005
hihi! realising that as the new year start.. lesser n lesser people visit my blog le.. perhaps they did.. but nv leave a tag at the tagboard.. i would appreciate a tag or two.. well.. at least it did give mi some motivation to up date my blog.. anywae.. i just joined chingay with charis.. arif.. felily.. cheryl..brendan.. and many many others.. we are the LEAD motivators!! cool rite? hahaha.. we will be bringing alots of joy n happiness to people around us!!! hee heee.. hope nothing goes wrong.. anywae.. i worked on last sat n sunday.. earned quite a bit of money.. total 180 for two days.. not bad lah hor? hee heee.. then also went chinese orchestra concert with my CO friends..quite nice.. first time going for combine instruments concert.. quite cool.. learnt more things.. hehz..
Reality Sucks Big Time
9:30 PM
Thursday, January 20, 2005
a simple yet forgotten principle...bentoh told mi.. like den like loh.. why care about what other people or what he.she thinks..it doesn't affect him/her what.. it only affect yourself.. but you yourself dun even have to be affected.. since.. you noe you like le.. so what.. you dun like..so wat?it still doesn't change anything mah.. life still goes on..so why do i still need to care so much.. just heck la.. he knows he knows loh.. dunnoe then dunoe loh.. so what.. hehez!
Reality Sucks Big Time
10:24 PM
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
on the pathway to recovery.. i have settle my heart to think of other things..trying not to think about him.. one thing.. mind is the greatest thing... that's what totchi told mi last time..yes.. once you set your heart so.. you can achieve it.. and i hope it's really the easy to do as said.. hmm.. now lookings for things to distract mi.. like looking at other guys? wahahaha.. no lah.. jk.. once heard that liking another person is the easiest way to forget the guy you like....arif said that it's true.. but it's a vicious cycle... when the another guy doesn't have feeling for you.. and it will all be back to square one..yahz.. once something is lost.. you cant get it back.. but it's always when you lose something.. you would appreciate the value of it..that's why many a times.. things and people are taken for granted.. i promise... i would try to appreciate n value those people n things that lies in the future for mi.. living life to the fullness..thanking God for the realisation of liking the guy.. that at least i did like him alot and i mean alot before.. and thanks for used to haf a crush on mi long time ago.. just that the timing wasn't right..and perhaps wasn't fated for us to be together.. shaun told mi that the funny thing about love is like vampirism.. once you get it.. you would want more.. gotta keep relying on the feeling.. perhaps he is right.. but what if there isn't anything as love.. there wun be what we are having now then...
signing off with last note of love..
-raison d'etre-
Reality Sucks Big Time
10:09 PM
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Avril Lavigne - Nobody's Home
Well, i couldn't tell youwhy she felt that way
she felt it every dayand i couldn't help her
i just watched her make
the same mistakes again
what's wrong what's wrong now
too many too many problems
don't know where she belongs
where she belongs
she wants to go home
but nobody's home
that's where she lies
broken inside
with no place to go
no place to go
to dry her eyes
broken inside
open your eyes
and look outside
find the reasons why
you've been rejected
now you can't find
what you've left behind
be strong be strong now
too many too many problems
don't know where she belongs
where she belongs
she wants to go home
but nobody's home
that's where she lies
broken inside
with no place to go
no place to go
to dry her eyes
broken inside
her feelings she hides
her dreams she can't find
she's losing her mind
she's falling behind
she can't find her place
she's losing her faith
she's falling from grace
she's all over the place yeah
she wants to go home
but nobody's home
that's where she lies
broken inside
with no place to go
no place to go
to dry her eyes
broken inside
she's lost inside lost inside
she's lost inside lost inside
Reality Sucks Big Time
11:27 PM
Monday, January 17, 2005
It's easy to smile on the outside
but you know it's self denial, hiding from the light
though a most angelic smile on your face
it's usually the facade of the devil
the turmoil experienced when the alter ego reign in the dark it lays
somewhere, somehow the soul was sold
and there left only the skeletal muscles fold
-raison d'etre (the reason for existence)-
Reality Sucks Big Time
11:30 PM
Saturday, January 15, 2005
wootS~ came back from tonnning outside at orchard road with charis n arif.. had a rest until 12 plus.. okay.. time to get ready.. going out again to meet they all two again.. hehz.. had dental at 2 o clock.. but i was late so the dentist dun wanna let mi do today.. cos the schedule very tight.. dammit!!! nvm.. gotta go back on tuesday instead.. anywae.. walk around with charis first at funan.. clarissa n vin.. mark.. they all working there.. so wen to visit them.. and kingston came to meet us.. then we went to mac to have a drink while miss charis ate her fish burger.. hee...hee.. was looking at the new nokia phones.. while waiting for mr arif to call us if he is reaching town..so after that.. kingston says that he wants to go look at guitar.. so we went.. then after that.. went down to meet arif.. going to the create talent modelling agency together.. cos charis n arif got scouted... so four of us went.. woh.. the woman there at the modelling agency still remember mi.. great mind power.. hahaha! then while they were inside.. mi and kingston wen to walk around.. and go look at bowling balls.. quite cheap n nice leh.. hahaha! anywae.. after everything..we went walk walk.. and met brendan n his cousin carmen.. and went to have dinner together..then went far east to walk walk.. brendan bought this new piece of shirt.. and his cousin bought a skirt.. quite nice woh.. after everything.. we went to find aaron.. he is working at the mad movement thigny.. so went to visit him.. hee.. had a drink.. and went home..
Reality Sucks Big Time
10:41 PM
Friday, January 14, 2005
damn tired lah!!! decided to blog before slping.. cos so long nv blog le.. yesterday mi.. n charisn arif met in town at around 10 plus.. wanted to go out slack.. n have fun.. actually wanted to club.. but arif dun wan.... so we decided to go play pool at kpool.. man.. arif is damn good siaz.. he keep winning mi lah.. charis is also zai.. at least can hold arif for some time.. talk alot of things.. soccer.. songs... ltr went cineleisure bought the tickets for omens.. then went to play arcade... mi n charis team up and challenge arif.. playing the table hockey.. haha.. but he is really good lah.. win us sia... although we have two people..oh wells.. he's a guy.. anywae.. we played other games like ddr.. te 8 wheeler game.. table football..and had alot of fun.. then ltr very thirsty.. so went to rockey master for coffee.. arif put too much sweetner leh.. eee.. but the drinkn quite nice.... charis n mi bought ice blended mocha.. same as usual.. talk crap.. and said alot of jokes..
finally the movie starts.. the bloody trailer is damn scary lah..arf sat in the middle of us.. when got sscary parts.. he will elbow us one loh.. damn scary lah.. pain.... -.-" mi n charis were like dots.. hehz.. anywae.. the omen.. is a stupid show.. i hereby announced that the omens is worse n lamer than lady killer..-.-" dots..the ghost is the recarnation of a dog..-.-" after show.. wen to ton outside taka.. sian.. wait for last train.. yawnzZZ~
Reality Sucks Big Time
1:52 AM
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
hihi.. this is regarding the last post i posted about the tsunami thingy.. well.. the signs that happen seems to suggest that the end of time is coming soon.. cos more earthquakes n nations rise against nations... roaring sea waves and stuffs.. this few years seems to suggest that.. rem.. it is suggested... not that i predicted it..
if you remember.. after christ was borned.. the pharoh of eygpt passed a law to kill all the first born below the age of 2.. that was becos the devil knows that jesus is around the age of 2 years old.. and he will be the blessing to the world.. therefore.. in order to disrupt God's plan... the devil made the pharoh kill all the first born of age 2.. okay.. let's now go back to see the tsunami incident..God is gonna to give asia a tsunami of happiness n blessings.. therefore.. satan sees it.. and brought tsunami the real tsunami to destroy so many families... so that people would not see the goodness that is coming..
remember.. when christ was first borned in bethelehem.. the place was blessed.. yet.. people bring jesus up to the cross.. and refused to believe God.. therefore.. there become unprosperous... then.. next was rome.. where then.. the rome empire was great....then moving on to america... the teachings became wider... and the american are the known christians... and they began to prosper like no bodies' business.. and now.. they are the most powerful country.. then moving to korea.. where there is the world's largest chruch there.. and now asia..
from the pattern.. if you look at the globe.. the blessings is moving from the centre of earth.. one way round to rome..america.. to korea.. to asia.... and at last.. perhaps back to where christ was borned..
so people.. let's look into this year with faith.. and open your eyes to see and recieve what God has in plan for you..rejected what is bad.. rem.. your words are powerful too.. you can choose to be oblivious to all things.. but you cant deny Him~ ask.. and you will recieve...
Reality Sucks Big Time
11:33 PM
Monday, January 10, 2005
this entry is about the church's teachings today.. so yah.. you can choose not to read it.. but i will encourage you guys to read it..cos it's about the tsunami incident that affected almost everyone of us in some how or another..first thing.. my Father who art in heaven is not in responsible for the tsunami that causes distress to so many people....He is a life giver.. not a life taker.. then here comes the ten million dollar question.. why did he allow such things to happen? reason.. imagine.. God is holding a bunch of keys..keys is the way to control the world.. when Adam n Eve is made.. God gave the keys to them.. now.. God gave Mankind the control of the world..one very fine day... devil came knocking on eve's door..like the evil witch in snowwhite.. n tempt eve to eat the forbidden fruit...that is when Man fall from grace.. then pass the keys over to satan.. that is the origin of sins and all evil things that happen to earth..what if that day.. adam choose to open his mouth and say.." hey~~i command you in God's name.. go away.. " then mankind will nv fall from grace.. yet.. becos the good man kept quiet..thus sins happen.. however..why din God take back the keys? He would take back the keys.. yet it would be unfair... cos He has already pass the keys to man.. and man pass it to satan.. how can God say.." hey~~ give mi back.." so He would have to find a legal way to get them back..
so.. He asked abraham to give up his son... and Abraham obeyed God.. and at the point of stabbing his son.. God stopped him and said nah nah ni boo boo to the devil.. heyz.. you see.. he gave up his son.. so now.. i have to give up my son... so thru this.. God plan a legal way to get back the keys.. and thru jesus.. our sins are paid for..
one thing... why the tsunami? lets think in this terms.. often.. you would feel.." i am stpid... haix.. i am ugly.." and those negative things.. that is when the devil is trying to make you confuse... he is telling you the negative things... when you hear.." hey.. God doesn't love you.. he will punish you if you do the wrong things..!!?" you can say.." heyz.. thanks.. now that i noe that God loves mi so much.."see.. the devil is always trying to direct your mind.. telling you the opposite of what God thinks?God thinks the opposite from the world.. for example.. the world thinks the God is a punisher.. if you do wrong things.. he will punish you and condemn you.. always waiting to catch you making mistake.. if you have one toe outta the line.. you are doom.. but no~ thats is what the devil tells you.. so.. you wanna noe what God is thinking.. think opposite of the devil.. :)
from the bible.. it seems to suggest the end is coming.. is not what i or my pastor suggest.. is what i suggest that my pastor suggest that jesus suggest... there is this verse...
"nations will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. there will be great earth quakes, famine and pestilences in various places, and featful events and great signs from heaven." LUKE 21:10
remember..there seems to be more war.. like ww1 ww2.. nations wars.. and according to research.. there are more earthquake recorded this decade...and finally the tsunami..
opps.. i gotta run.. my brother is naggin for the com.. people who wanna noe more.. can tag mi n sms mi.. tata
Reality Sucks Big Time
10:25 PM
Sunday, January 09, 2005
hahaa.. just came back from clubbing.. this is my first time going clubbing woh~ eh.. dun look like rite? seems like i whole day go clubbing one rite?but no loh.. first time.. went with cla.. andy.. mark n vin.. ltr eric and him came to meet us...cos cla is on the guest list.. so we din have to pay a single cent to get in.. we ordered drinks.. i myself drank two waterfall.. one tar vodka(dunnoe spell correctly not?)lol... one extra corona..long island...one cow sucking boy..got myself quite sei...hehz.. abit cannot walk str8 lah.. then ltr go dance and stuffs.. shant go into details.. hehz..but overal quite fun lah.. i like the dancing part.. hahaha..
Reality Sucks Big Time
3:10 AM
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
i cant understand myself.. let alone you.. the feeling has been suppressed for a veyr long time... yet... when seok told mi about her problems.. it seems like my own problems has once again. started to surface...wanted to buried it deep down.. so that what you see its a cheerful gal.. who is always laughing n crazying around.. and yet.. each time.. each session is like a pouring out problems session.. it hurts to see my friends around experience problems too.. but guilty to say.. it make mi feel better to hear them... at least i know that i am not alone...and i wan to help them to recover.. cos i noe how it feels to experience the same kind of pain-ness....
this afternoon i almost made a decision not to let you bother mi anymore...and yet.. at nite.. the same shitty feeling just came over mi.. not knowing its suddenness.. i broke down.. its been a long time since i cried for this kinda reason... as it has always been suppressed... actually i know that you noe only treat mi like a good friend.. cos you aint responsive to mi or whatsoever.. and perhaps.. getting colder as the days pass... this is a hint.. and i took it..it is difficult.. it is pain... to noe.. and realise this...all this aint going work out..so what? forget about it.. just forget about it.. and conc on my studies.. but.. my mind is telling to move on.. but my heart is saying no.. so.. should i stay or should i go?
Reality Sucks Big Time
1:52 AM
Saturday, January 01, 2005
looking back on the past year.. everything seems like a dream.. a perhaps a bad dream.. with a sprinkle of goodness to it.. thru the year.. there were exciting times.. there were disappointing times..
start of the year
busied myself with srjc friend.. knew people like brendan my dearest pal in srjc.. juebing.. the funny gal with lotsa enthusiam..ryan the giant who is always so nice and there for mi when i need him.. aloysius..the responsible bio rep and soccer boy whose laughter is queer and funny...who scared mi at first but amuse mi ltr.. derek the guy who always want to treat people.. dunoe why also.. think he has too much money.. but we all know he is damn nice person..kingston the clown and the wellknown flag man who always is so noisy and funny.. felily.. the gal who always like to wear black colour when we are going out.. whose name is felicia and loved to be called felily..junjie the idiot who is a very interesting guy who always like to tease people.. heh.. really fun being with you people..life would nv be so great without you guys.. and to those i forgot to mention.. love ya guys~
march to june period
busied myself with new school stuffs..meridian jc.. began to adapt the life inside.. luckily evry morning i will start my day with yiqing~~ my lovely neighbour.. we would go sch every morning together.. either in my mum's car or her dad's car... hehz.. would tell each other anything n everything... sometimes we din want our parents to undertsnad wht we were saying.. we would communicate in jap.. hahaa.. anywae..knew friends like sulin.. who is my best pal in mjc..a cry baby and always like to laugh in a weird manner... lena.. the gothic girl.. who shares the same gothic interesting with mi.. i began to take up flute in my cca chinese orchestra... had fun with CO friends.. people like my shifus.. kenny.. bentoh.. n jinsheng..
july to august
had cosplay event.. began to start making my new costume-mana gothic lolita bible no.9 random gothic lolita.. with my ma's help of cos.. thanks mummy.. attend a few cosplay events like jrock street festival.. cosfest.. and some private cosplay events.. cosplayed mana.. yuna aka lenne..paine from final fantasy.. took alot of pic.. met lester and jason during cosfest.. this lil meeting.. yet a memory for a life time.. haha.. lester... a cute cute jap looking guy who is stylish..funny and nice to be with... jason.. a handsome dude.. who is always there for friends... cool.. and someone who has the whole package.. and thru them i met susan.. a stylish girl... cool and has great voice~ and ltr met brian a rich looking guy and looks responsible too.. fagan.. with no life... funny dude.. hahaha~ attend susan's birthday chalet too.. during this time.. i spent the most time with them.. almost everyday.. sometimes.. sentosa.. chalet.. town.. neoprints session..hang out at dome.. hang out at ps.. everything under the sun.. although there are crying times.. sad time.. and happy times.. we were all supporting each other with each of our weaknesses n strength.. helping each other.. i love you guyS~~~mUAKZ!!!
september to october
woh this period siao liaoz.. busy with project work.. spent most of my time with eugena.. ziting n faezz... doin our pw.. redoing our pw.. rereredoing our pw..damn....busy mugging.. becos i having been doin that for the past few months.. so now gotta mug...october is the promotional exams period.. so everyday stayed in shool till around 8 and 9 plus.. with sulin.. emi.. lena.. da quan.. ziting.. cherri.. and many many more~~ i think our class is the most hardworking class.. hehz.. had fun talking cock in the midst of studying for the boring test.. had fun crying.. due to great great stress.. especially with ziting n cherri..cried almost everyday before exams...-.-" so stressed.. in mjc siaz.. hehz..but nevertheless its nice to have someone with you to cry with you rite? thanks dudetress... :) finally exams period is over.. went out with class mates and friends catch up with co friends and class mate.. played pool almost everyday.. hehz..
november and dec
towards the end of the year.. i realised that although this year hasn't been really that good for mi.. especially when i originally got retained.. and was brought into despair.. but there were people like ryan... mr yeow.. sulin.. ziting n cherri.. who was there for mi.. to cheer mi up.. and helped mi recovered from the pain.. at least i met so many friends that are for a lifetime.. who brought mi so much fun n happiness.. and most of all.. i end my year with God...i started going back to church this very month.. experience the presence of God.. who has so much in stored for mi for the next year... been going out with samanatha.. charis.. suen.. seok.. and lester n jason.. this is a pefect chance to catch up with friends.. ending the year and inviting the new year with lester.. seok.. samantha.. jason.. brian..
-2005.. here i come.. forgetting all those unhappy experience in 2004 and starting a new life-
Reality Sucks Big Time
11:55 PM
damn~ i am reposting this entry again.. so i am going to cut it short..~ i hate it! when i type a long long entry.. and the thing just hang-.-"
went out with sam.. seok.. suen.. and charis.. went sakae sushi.. had a great deal of fun there although there is no buffet.. we were teasing suen~ she is really super cute laH! after food.. we went to take neoprint at heeren.. took the sofa one.. 10 bucks..hahaha. then there was one neoprint samanatha was holding this two oranges.. with a spastic face...*macham chinese year new.. lol.. after taht.. went to play pool then lester n brian and jason came to meet us at cine..we went to count down downstair.. had lotsa fun spraying people and getting sprayed.. we all became colourful rangers... pink.. white.. red.. blue.. liek duhz~ we busied ourself taking down the excess "accessories" on our bodies..then we went to brian's work place at paularen.. opposite suntec..walked all the way there.. heh...paularen is a nice place woh..we had beer.. vodka.. german pig trotters... sausages.. raddish...fried chicken drumsticks.. and calamari.. yummy~~ and best of all.. its ON DA HOUSE~ heee~ yupPie~ ltr sam's dad fetch us home.. thanks gal~ :)
-reach home at 430am-
-quote from aloysius's blog-
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of thehmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef,but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!!! If you can udernatnsd tihs rdanieg, rpeost it!!
-unquote-
Reality Sucks Big Time
4:49 AM